The one thing that is hardest to get used to with all this, is training yourself to live for the day instead of planning for tomorrow. We all like to plan, some feel the constant need to have goals for the future. We at least like to know what we are doing for this weekend, it kind of lends some comfort that we won't have to think that hard about it when it finally gets here.

  Since the first day of my diagnosis, I have found that planning for even the next couple of hours is impossible. During the first month I would ask "what do we expect next?" and would get "Well that depends on...". I learned fast that "expecting next" is a luxury and often not one that I would be supplied with. I knew that this was an important lesson for me. I am one, like many others, who really likes to know whats in store for the next day or two. My lesson is that knowing this info, is just not possible, and maybe just not important. I need to slow down and concentrate on today. We all know this, I have recieved countless emails of stories and jokes that relay this message. But the reality is that to truely believe and understand it, you must live it. This is not saying you can't "get it" unless you have cancer or some other terrible condition, this is saying we need to make a daily effort to drive the point home.

  All this being said, I was told my "plan" was to have my third round of chemo June 27th. This was, of course, assuming all would go well and according to plan. Well guess what. I planned on it... I had it all worked out in my head, Monday i would go in and start chemo and finish up by Thursday. Well geez, that was the frickin plan! Of course, I was told today that my blood may not be ready to start chemo Monday. Serves me right to plan for tomorrow. I wonder if this point will ever be a natural process for me. I want it to be, just not sure I can teach this ol brain new tricks, ya know?