I want to wish everyone out there a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Things are going well here. I'm finding that my paranoia seems to be under control. There are times that I slip and freak out over everyday things (like bruises) but the episode is usually short lived and no where as scary as it was in the past. Sometimes I feel like I am well on my way to being like I was (only enhanced). What worries me is that it really does feel like I'm putting my guard down and I feel like once I really let go and stop worrying, then my whole world will come down again. Again, it's getting easier to "shelf" these feelings and move on but they are still there.

    When I was sick, I talked a lot about some of the lessons that seemed to be driven home time and time again. Two of the most important lessons or messages I took away from my cancer experience were 1.) LIVE FOR TODAY. This lesson was always one that I thought I knew about. There always seems to be someone preaching this wherever you look. I realized that even though I knew the concept and thought that I could attempt such a task, I really had no idea. I think I am more relaxed these days and I don't think I sweat the small stuff as much (aside from health small stuff). 2.) My appreciation for my kids. Don't get me wrong, I've always loved my kids and since the day I met each of them they have been the most important people in my life but I really appreciate them now. I don't take for granted that they will have me around to teach them lessons that they may need teaching now.. I think this one is a little harder to articulate but I'm hoping you get my gist.

    The other day I realized that these lessons are still as true to me today as they were during treatment or when I 'learned' them. This struck me because, like many of you can relate to, there are many lessons we learn in a lifetime that we tend to forget about. Not cuz they aren't important lessons but maybe because we don't use them every day.. I don't really know why we forget, I just know that we do. I'm excited because it seems like these two lessons are sticking. I really hope that I never forget because my life is that much richer because of them.