It seems that sometimes, just sometimes, we might get what we want/need. I often fight the notion that if I believe so much in karma (and I do) and I've been through what some would consider 'mind numbing' experiences, then eventually I'll start the upswing. right? Of course, this is a BAD way of thinking (hence the fight).. And I really do have a good life. I've got healthy children, a house, car, job and a loving bunch of family and friends.. so, really, I've got a good life, no? Damn it, why do i get so miserable? Is just the fact that I'm missing a romantic love such a big aspect of life that it deserves to bring me down? In theory, NO!! so I tell myself to suck it up and move on with life. No need to let something so.. 'dependent' to keep me down, right? I suppose that most of the time I don't let it keep me down but looking at those times I see I'm just going with the motions, kinda numbly. If I look at the times that I have romantic love in my life, I see that extra 'light' that appears. That's not fair! It's not fair that one cannot see that 'light' when they're single. I try.. but I can't. Damn it. I suppose that is my current journey, finding my light.. alone. I'm not saying I'm not happy, because I am. I'm just saying I know I can be happier, I have been in the past, so I know I can. hmmm...

As far as my health is concerned, I had a bout of extream fatigue starting Sunday night through Monday and hopefully ending this morning. I've been out of bed for the morning and am not itching to go nap so... that's good. I think that fatigue scares me the most. Well, fatigue, bruising and my period (lol). I haven't had a CBC since January and my next one isn't scheduled until April so I feel like I'm flying solo. I get scared sometimes but I usually give myself some time and it passes (assuming the symptom passes, of course).