Molly called me first thing this morning and let me know that "I'm ok". I'm glad I'm "normal" but I was REALLY wigged out this time. All the symptoms appeared and this has never happened before (well, since I've been released into the wild). So, if my symptoms appear and I'm fine, then what the fuck do I look for? Molly didn't have an answer. I'm pretty sure I believe I am ok but my symptoms haven't gone away, lol. I mean I still have a crazy bruise where I ripped my band aid off (Molly said not to rip any more band aids off, how am I supposed to get them off? slowly? I don't think so), my joints ACHE!, my muscles fatigue easily, my period is spotting (almost 7 days when a normal period only lasts 2 (3 tops)) and of course, I'm TIRED! I guess I just try my best to relax and hope it's all in my head. I suppose it'll go away eventually.

Now, I'm reaching here but I'm going to go with this theory: Perhaps this 'episode' was the cosmos telling me that I'm just not living it up enough. I was mentally putting my life in order, getting ready to 'say my goodbyes' (not for death but for a while, you know what I mean) and trying to figure out how the heck I was going to be able to pull it off again. I didn't get ANYWHERE with that. The reality is, there is no prep.. And of course, I went online and did some reading on stats n stuff.. and of course, I'm worse off because of it. Whoever said that my 'odds are really good' should be shot. That's false hope. AML is bad news and certainly isn't the 'best kind of leukemia to get' (which I've been told). So what now? I try my hardest to give my kids as much love as I can, I tag as many boys as I can, I see as many Aquanett shows as I can, I make sure my current friends know I love them, I make better effort to make new friends and I guess I just keep my heart open.. (I thought I was already doing all that but I guess I try harder)