Ok, so naturally I’ve been a big ball of thought over the last couple of days. A break-up is a big deal that I choose to handle as quickly and painlessly as possible. I was going over this particular break-up and am humored by how I’ve interpreted every step in the process. Two weeks ago, my boyfriend and I had a serious talk about a fictional issue but had the potential to be a real live “what if” kind of situation. We didn’t meet eye to eye on this and there was a moment I looked into his eyes and I saw him backing away. I saw it, I did. It scared the crap out of me but at the same time my gut was working overtime telling me that it’s not right anymore, something happened. I did my best to push my guts feelings off as imagination, I mean, I wanted it to be my imagination. I knew though that my gut has never proved me wrong.. damn gut. Sure enough, the week progressed and while he went through all the actions, he was pulling away at the same time. Again, I really wanted it to be my imagination and I did fight with that all week. His opportunity to break it came on Saturday afternoon. I had a temper tantrum with my kids and it was his perfect out and he took it. We were about an hour away from my house, he pulled over and it was kind of quick. I felt the incision of the words, it was surreal. The emotion took over and I was hurled into uncontrollable tears. I had to drop him off and head home, there were points where I had to pull over and grab some composure. I literally felt sick. I had fever shivers and could have vomited on queue. It was amazing. Not that I want to be there but the body’s ability to produce such a reaction is so beautiful. I am alive to experience this. I am grateful for having the ability to feel with so much power. Is this something that came with age? Or do I owe it to cancer? I don’t know but it certainly does make breaking up much easier. I love Johnny but I’ll let him go as he isn’t, nor was he ever, mine to keep. I appreciate and have some very fond memories of the love we shared. I will always love him.. but I guess it’s time to move on to my next adventure. Right now, he’s in hiding thinking about god knows what, I hope he’s not beating the idea of me in his head to a completely fictional character. And right now, I’m patiently waiting to be able to take our relationship to the next level, friendship.