Getting off the airplane in Kalispell Montana I was welcomed into the warm and cozy airport. No that’s not sarcasm, the airport was really cute and comfy and I felt welcome from that point on. I waited for my luggage and kept my eyes peeled for anything that might resemble a representative from First Descents. It was about the time I got my bags off the baggage thing when I spotted them. Two of them wore black t-shirts with First Descents written on the chest. Yep, this is my people. I was introduced to Matao and Buttons and three(ish) other campers. Now, I’m pretty bad with names anyway but for this trip nicknames were to be used. Oh great. So I was introduced to Irish, Nauny (sp?) and Bismarck who pretty much had their names sealed up by now. There was a little effort to try out some names for me but nothing quite stuck yet. Out of nowhere came another girl with a First Descents t-shirt and blasted me with a hug (I’m going to really like this place). I don’t really remember Whitney’s nickname, one I heard had to do with a dung beetle, hmmm.. We headed off to the ranch and chit chatted in the van for the short drive.

I couldn’t have imagined a warmer welcome. Everyone is so friendly. It seemed quite a few of the campers/volunteers knew each other and I worried I’d find a nitch but that was put to rest quickly. Right away I meet Cory who asks me if I’ve got a nickname yet, I hadn’t. He asked me what I liked to do and of course I mention my motorcycle. When he asked what I rode, I said “a V-Star. It’s like a faux Harley” Cory says “Farley” and BAM, I’ve got a nickname. That was not as painful as I had imagined, yay. The confusion of more introductions followed along with a short interview with the camps medical staff or the “moms” and the doc (Agent 86). It wasn’t long until Dude approaches and we start hooking me up with gear. Dude is the gear master; he’s got everything you need. We were supplied with dry suits and how to put them on and take them off, a talent that only comes with experience (I did master it by the end of the week). He gave us polysomething clothes that will keep us warm under our suits since the water is very cold (oh yea, it’s glacier water (40s?)), water shoes, helmets, PFDs, gloves and socks. Then it’s off to the kayak area. This was tough. My back doesn’t like bending too much and it required a lot of bending to fit the right kayak and apparently the right kayak was supposed to fit exactly as what is the most uncomfortable position for me to be in (oh great, this is going to be a blast. At least I packed plenty of meds). Along with the kayak, I fitted the spray skirt and Wa-La, I’ve been geared up.

After a few hours of meeting everyone and eating a nice dinner, we had a campfire and learned a little more about the program. I knew the basics going in but I didn’t realize the details of it all. I didn’t realize that this Brad Ludden guy was some super kayaker and that he was the soul with such an awesome idea. I didn’t realize that this program was the baby of someone who didn’t actually have cancer. This Brad guy must be an amazing soul. His friend Cory is clearly the other half of the duo. They have an amazing chemistry and it was exciting to hear them talk of what to expect. I was stoked at the idea of being cared for and trained by such an awesome team (Brad, Cory and the gaggles of volunteers).

The next morning we woke and ate breakfast together. Some campers went out running, some walked, some slept as late as they possibly could. I was in the middle somewhere. We were all warned the day before to make sure we keep our calories up for energy and we shouldn’t skip meals. Heh.. Breakfast was yummy and I would learn fairly quickly that food was going to be plain ol yummy! Fresh fruit was everywhere. The camp moms, which included Brad’s mom (Mama Ludden), were awesome at keeping the house in order and we all were very well fed., oops, sidetracked ;-) (I miss the food, can you tell?). Day 1 of kayaking was to be at Lake McDonald. We arrived, geared up and right off the bat learned a wet exit. Piece of cake! I mean aside from the cold water, but that was nothing with the dry suit on. Once we managed that, we learned a t-rescue. This is where when you flip over and bang your boat to signal someone you’ve tipped. Then that someone kayaks over to your boat and you grab a hold of it, do a hip snap and flip yourself back up. This way you don’t have to do a wet exit and have to swim, empty your boat and crawl back in. I managed to pick up the concept pretty quick and wanted to learn to roll on my own. No one showed me, hmph. Oh well. I’m sure I’ll learn by the end of the week.. I’ll have patience. We finished that day with a nice calm ride down a creek learning about eddies and the way water behaves.

The rest of the afternoon would become routine. We’d get home, hang our gear to dry, eat like kings and queens, nap and play (in no particular order). One afternoon we played on a giant slip n slide and every afternoon you would see people playing volleyball and polish horseshoes. The day would always end with a camp meeting where we would pass out different awards for different achievements. I found myself napping every day. My muscles weren’t really all that sore but I was exhausted to the core.. but I’m getting ahead of myself again, aren’t I..

I woke up day two feeling fairly refreshed. I wasn’t any sorer than I usually am and made sure to promptly dose up on my ibuprofen (and then again right before I had to bend into that boat). I was feeling fairly pumped up for the day as we were going to do rapids. I was so excited actually; this is what I came to do. I’ve owned a kayak for three seasons and have never done rapids. Before I knew about this trip, I bought a spray skirt with every intention of crossing rapids off my todo list. And here I was, ready to do it. I was pumped. We drove to our put in spot, geared up, got a few last minute pointers and we were off. Not before Nauny asks the infamous question “which way are we going?”.. That was classic and she‘ll never live it down (love you Nauny). Turned out that I was not as stable in my boat as I would have liked. It was difficult to keep my boat straight and I got frustrated quickly. I got overwhelmed at all the stuff I need to be remembering and all I can really do is act on autopilot and hope that what my body is doing is correct. It’s not like you have time to think about anything. I tried to calm down and stop fighting it and I did an ok job, not great, but ok. Convict was a trooper; he stuck with me and made me learn what I needed. I had to do my first real t-rescue and autopilot did an ok job so that was good.. I finished the day feeling overwhelmed but satisfied so that afternoon I opted for a nap, perfect decision. I mighta done a little crying that night but I kept the tears off the river, no cryaking for Farley, not this time!

On day three we did the big rafts, topo duos (two person kayaks) and duckies (blow up two person kayaks). The support folks were pumped about this day as well as past campers so you couldn’t help be a little excited. Still though, I was still pretty raw from the day before and was perfectly content staying in a big raft all day long. Everything went according to plan and before long we were on our way down the river and I was sitting front seat in the big raft. It felt so safe and OMG, Whitney (dung?) is the WOMAN! That girl is master of that big boat. Props!.. Anyway.. The ride was just bumpy enough and wet enough to feel the river but oh so stable. We got to a point where people were doing the switch to another kind of craft. I was staying put and I knew that’d be ok.. Then Brad convinces me to get in with him, I mean who would pass up the opp to paddle with this guy? Doh, not me! Getting in and feeling the tippiness again.. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t comfy. But it didn’t take long to know I was in good hands. I had an awesome stretch being dunked into every other wave and doing a little playing. It was on that stretch of the river where we saw a mountain goat thing walkin up a rock wall. Firkin a. As Brad would say “it doesn’t suck”.. no, it doesn’t. At the next switching spot I was stoked for the duckie. I hopped in with Captain Buttons and we had a blast. The ducky was a lot of fun and we got a chance to get to know each other. I’d paddle with her again any day and can’t wait till the next time I do. When we got to our take out, Mama Ludden had pizzas, fruit and a food heaven waiting for us and we chowed down like it was our last meals, it was oh so good. We packed up our gear and headed home for our rituals. This was a well needed break from my anxiety of being in the boat and I was almost ready to hop back in.. almost.

The next day, I was a little disappointed with myself for letting the anxiety creep in. I was afraid of the boat. I was sore and stiff in my joints and I was honestly a little wigged out by a bunch of symptoms I, of course related to getting sick again. I did my best to ignore but it was tough this time.. anyway, I knew I was getting back in the boat, no matter how much I didn’t like the idea, I was definitely going to do it. I didn’t come all this way to chicken out. The river we did was a little crazy with whirlys and crazy eddies but the safety staff was awesome. I got to work with Sleepy on this day and she has a lot to offer. She kept me calm, gave me some good pointers, recognized when I got frustrated and talked me down. I definitely took a more relaxed approach to losing control of my boat. I had to, the river was crazy. Convict was with our group again and turns out he’s a pretty good guide. He knew the river and what to expect and was able to prep us for what was ahead.. I would have had no idea what we were in for. We get to this canyon in the river with rocks straight up on both sides and it just whirlied and whirlied and whirlied. For this part of the river, we “rafted” up which meant we held on to our partners kayak and floated down together. We were more stable this way. I’m not going to lie here either, I loved it. The river was fast and we finished up quickly today. I felt better about being in the kayak as I didn’t tip and was a little more relaxed. Yay.

Wow, we’re already at the last day. We are going back to the last part of the river we did two days earlier in the topo duos but we’ll be in our own kayaks. Heh. No prob! Heh. (ish) Again, there was no doubt that id be getting into my kayak. We geared up and got into our boats. This day was tough getting into the boat. I was so stiff and my back was so spent that popping into position had my back spasming out of control. I needed a second and unfortunately or fortunately depending on ones perspective, Smelly saw a moment of extreme uncomfyness on my face and took me under her wing. She’s awesome too. They are all awesome guides! She kept me calm and kept a nice slow pace while I worked my back in and it didn’t take long (thank goodness). The waves were awesome once I relaxed (of course, I see the connection). I did have to do a t-rescue but pulled it off. I had gotten sucked into this big wave thing and was on my way out the other side when someone else got sucked in too, and my boat tipped. Doh! I saw the boat out of the corner of my eye and kinda knew I was going down so I had time to grab a good breath of air, I think that helped. I also knew, as I did with my last t-rescue, that there was someone right behind me and I just had to hang for a second before someone’d come rescue me. That was a really good feeling to have. Trust.

Back at the lodge we did our rituals along with a polish horseshoe tournament and a lot of fond conversations. I was feeling good at this point. I came and did what I needed to do. I made some great friends and challenged my body. I’ve been so sore for so long and I’ve given up stuff like heels (oh how I love a nice pair of heels  ) because my back squawks so loud. I’m determined to ignore it and expect my body to keep up. I gave it a good challenge this week and for once in a long time, I seemed to have a little control over it again. Things like heels and riding my bike are still not comfy activities but I’m not going to let it stop me, there has to be a place without pain again. Oops, my bad, I’m ranting.. back on task.. We closed the night without a dry eye in the house. It was amazing and powerful and I’m ever so grateful to be able to be a part of it. After the sobbing was done, we played a game of Name That Tune with Dude. I suck so badly at this game but I couldn’t help but play. It was a good time.

The next day came quickly and oh how I hate goodbyes. I did my share and made sure to hug everyone, I hope I did. I was packed and ready and just wanted to get out of there. I just hate goodbyes. I was on the first trip to the airport with Spike, Bismarck, Omar and CC. Matao drove the minivan and Buttons came along for the ride. Matao was having a blast “seeing what this van can do”, it was a fitting end to our trip. CC and I were going to be on the same flight and had a similar layover. I was excited about this because she and I didn’t get a good chance to get to know each other. Saying goodbye to the other campers at the airport was tough. Ok, I bawled. I couldn’t keep my shit together. CC and I sat on different parts of the plane and knowing we had the layover together was cool cuz I just needed to sit in my seat and cry and that’s just what I did. CC and I had a couple of drinks, chatted up a storm and I was thankful for our time. We promised to keep in touch and went our separate ways. Now I was on to the next part of my adventure, Vegas.. but that’s a story for another day.

I wanted to get this story out as soon as I could. I know I’m going to want to remember this and this ol’ brain doesn’t retain things like she used to. I’m glad I finished it. It’s a two nighter but I had patience and I came back, even though I didn’t really feel like it. I’m satisfied. How fitting. Hm. First Descents is a wonderful program and I’ll do it again in a heartbeat. I love my new FD family and look forward to helping the cause any way I can. Expect to hear from me at some point cuz we’ve got some fund raising to do.. somehow.

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